I think Micah is working on some kind of Mother's Day project for me. He had a pen & paper & was busy asking me all kinds of questions the other night. They were mostly along the lines of my favorite color & favorite food. I've been thinking a lot since then. Like lets say that someday he gets married & has his own kids, but for some reason I was gone already. What is one thing I would really like him to know about me? Or what kind of parental advice would I wish I'd have given? I do hope I have lots of parenting years ahead of me. I also realize that my advice will change a bit through the years. However, when I look back to my early parenting years I feel regretful of how much effort I put into being a perfect parent.
Micah was a textbook perfect baby. He was so sweet & happy. He napped well on his own. He slept through the night. When he got a bit older he mostly did what I told him. Even potty training him was fairly fast & easy. So you see I thought I was actually accomplishing perfect parenting or something close to it anyway.
Then I got pregnant with Ayla. I should have realized as I spent most of my time either puking or sleeping that things weren't going to be quite the same the second time around. You really think I'd have realized it when she came a whole 4 weeks early with a few complications. However, it really didn't start dawning on me until a week later when she got to come home. This baby cried all the time. This baby did not sleep. This baby had to be held all the time. This baby didn't do anything the way I thought she should. I was still trying to be the perfect parent with the perfect house & life. I kept trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, because there had to be some way to "fix" things.
The sad fact is that I can barely remember anything about Ayla before 9 months of age. It took me that long to really bond with her. When she was 9 months old I finally read this book when my dear sister-in-law mailed it to me. Then I finished up this program that I had started when I was first pregnant with Ayla.
Finally I had an epiphany. I was not choosing my daughter & my life as it was. I was resisting everything that actually was because it didn't fit into the "perfect" life I had imagined. So to make a long story short (too late) my biggest piece of parenting advice would be to enjoy what is while it is, because life flys by far too fast. Also, there is no one way to be a good parent (perfect is an impossibility). What advice do you want to leave your kids with?
Micah was a textbook perfect baby. He was so sweet & happy. He napped well on his own. He slept through the night. When he got a bit older he mostly did what I told him. Even potty training him was fairly fast & easy. So you see I thought I was actually accomplishing perfect parenting or something close to it anyway.
Then I got pregnant with Ayla. I should have realized as I spent most of my time either puking or sleeping that things weren't going to be quite the same the second time around. You really think I'd have realized it when she came a whole 4 weeks early with a few complications. However, it really didn't start dawning on me until a week later when she got to come home. This baby cried all the time. This baby did not sleep. This baby had to be held all the time. This baby didn't do anything the way I thought she should. I was still trying to be the perfect parent with the perfect house & life. I kept trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, because there had to be some way to "fix" things.
The sad fact is that I can barely remember anything about Ayla before 9 months of age. It took me that long to really bond with her. When she was 9 months old I finally read this book when my dear sister-in-law mailed it to me. Then I finished up this program that I had started when I was first pregnant with Ayla.
Finally I had an epiphany. I was not choosing my daughter & my life as it was. I was resisting everything that actually was because it didn't fit into the "perfect" life I had imagined. So to make a long story short (too late) my biggest piece of parenting advice would be to enjoy what is while it is, because life flys by far too fast. Also, there is no one way to be a good parent (perfect is an impossibility). What advice do you want to leave your kids with?
13 comments:
I'm stuck in that rut of wanting to have 'perfect kids', being a 'perfect' Mom. (our kids are fairly good, but not 'perfect'..don't go by what they were like Sunday :0) So often I miss out on so much by worrying/fretting over little things. I want my kids to realize each of them is special for different reasons. It doesn't have to be perfect, as long as it came from the heart-it's more than perfect for me!
(sorry its long-I have much more thot's on this)
for the record heather, i didn't notice any bad behavior on sunday!! i think most often we are our own worse critics!
I agree with all of that! We tend to be our own worst critics. Sometimes I think Laci is so naughty and many times most people don't even notice. A lot of the people, especially at church, just really enjoy having the kids there. I really just want my kids to enjoy the love I have to give and be loving parents when they have children of their own!
I could identify with so much of what you wrote, Mindy. The advice I hope my life leaves my children is love God, love your family and the people in your life and find the good in others, yourself and life in general. Somedays I do well with this and other days, not so much!
what a sweet heartfelt post! i feel majorly lacking as a parent..i feel like i should have them on more of a schedule, in more activities, have more creative projects organized and offered for them...cook more healthy foods, never yell at them, figure out incentive programs so they do their chores and piano practicing without repeated nagging from me. sometimes i fear that they're going to remember me as a nagging little voice that they wish they could swat away. other times i think they'll remember me as the parent who let them get away with more stuff...as you can see this struck a cord. unlike you..i haven't really done a very good job at even trying to be "perfect"!! thanks for the inspiration to take a closer look at this aspect of life...
I think that we see our kids as being naughty and others see them as just being kids. I too want the perfect kids and to be the perfect mom. I just try to make sure that they know without a doubt that I love them and that they mean so much to me.
I love this post nd relate to it so much. I just want my kids to know how much I loved them and that everything I do is what I think is best for them. It's so hard to even consider not being there to raise them...
Hey ~ can I call you to talk about the dairy allergies...?
spamama83@yahoo.com
Actually when I am go out to eat I see all your kids as naughty.
My definition of perfect is given and committed to the best of your ability, and I know you are that. :)
seth - that's because you have no kids!!!!
sorry to bother you..what was that site you use to download your blog to a hard copy/book? thanks, dear!
Mindy, so true!! Thanks for the reminder!!
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